Picking Up The Pieces
by BethyBoo97
Summary: A short story from Gerry's ex, Jayne's, view. Sandra is long gone but in his mind she isn't.


_Do you think of her?  
When you're with me?  
Repeat the memories you made together  
Whose face do you see?  
Do you wish I was a bit more like her?  
Am I too loud?  
I play the clown  
To cover up all these doubts_

I often wonder if you came back to me out of loneliness, once you loved me, once we were married. Once upon a time we were happy but after we got divorced I never saw that happiness in your eyes until you met Sandra Pullman, it was inevitable that you'd find your way into her arms and I wasn't surprised when it got serious and she moved in. Sandra's long gone now though, I still don't know what went wrong between the two of you but every time someone mentions her name you seem to die a little, but all I know is that she's in France and you're here with me. I often wonder if you still think about her because you don't seem too bothered with me, I wish I knew what it was about her that you fell so deeply in love with, because then I'd try and be a bit more like her so that you'd love me as much as you love her.

_Perfect heart  
She's flawless  
She's the other woman  
Shining in her splendor  
You were lost_

I'm not going to pretend I'm oblivious, I did know Sandra and I know she was stunning and only seemed to get better as she aged, I couldn't point out a single flaw with her. She seemed a strong woman and certainly knew how to keep you in your place, you'd never have strayed from Sandra or needed to look anywhere else and if she could tell me how she managed that then I'd be eternally grateful. When we do things is it her that you wish was with you?

_Now she's gone  
And I'm picking up the pieces  
I watch you cry  
But you don't see that I'm the one by your side  
'Cause she's gone  
In her shadow is it me you see?  
'Cause all that's left is you and I  
And I'm picking up the pieces she left behind_

It's obvious how head over heels in love you were with her because here we are three years down the line and you're still just at heartbroken, sometimes when you don't think I'm around I see you cry still. I'm doing my best to pick up the pieces of your broken heart but I can tell how badly it was shattered it was when she left, I just wish that when I asked for a divorce you were that cut up about it. I wish you could see that I'm the one by your side after our past, I'm by your side offering you the proper family unit or you, me and Caitlin and still you don't care. She's gone and she's not coming back.

_I found a photograph behind the TV  
You look so happy are you missing the way it used to be?  
And I have changed this room around more often lately  
It's clear that we  
And these four walls  
Still known as hers and yours._

When I was sorting out our newly furnished living room, I found a picture of you and Sandra, neither of you are looking at the camera and instead you're both looking at each other lovingly with massive smiles on your face. I've never been able to entice a smile like that out of you, it hurts how much you love Sandra and how you could never love me the same. This house was yours and I don't think you'll ever see it as ours, it will always be Sandra and yours no matter what I do to it. That's why whenever I suggest moving you shoot me down without even thinking about it, to you getting rid of this house is getting rid of the last bit of Sandra.

_Are we liars in denial?  
Are we smoke without the fire?  
Tell me please is this worth it?  
I deserve it_

I deserve to know how real this is to you, but I'm scared to ask for fear that the answer won't be the one that I want, love is what you had with Sandra, not what we have. I will live with this situation though because one day I hope you will get over her and if not then I'm willing to except that I love you enough for the both of us.

**A/N - The song is Picking Up The Pieces by Paloma Faith. From now on I won't be writing a lot, if anything, until summer because my exams have to take priority. Sorry**

**Beth xxx**


End file.
